We all want to be understood, but explaining yourself might be little more than a missed opportunity to repair disconnection. In our love relationships, the urge to explain may be triggered by the thought, “If only they understood where I was coming from they wouldn't be mad at me (or hurt or sad). All I have to do is explain myself.” Glide over tough spots by replacing this intuitive but misplaced move with empathy and validation.
Empathy and Explanations
Kristen Stone, PhD 