be honest ⇼ be engaged ⇼ expect change
Anticipating our lovers’ needs is both a tall order and the least we can do. Demonstrating consideration is love in action, unobtrusive yet powerful. It feels tender yet reinforces a stronghold for the deep, intimate connections we crave.
When your partner tells you she’s upset, is it a moment of sharing and an opportunity for closeness, or a fault-finding blame game? How are you hearing her? Do you assume that you’ve done something wrong? Is she saying anything about you at all? Recognizing that her feelings are hers, her experience is hers, and that she—not you—bears ultimate responsibility for them, will help you acknowledge her feelings, her experience, and her perspective—the beginning of a much more rewarding conversation.
Wendy Troxel's book is part educational, on the importance of prioritizing sleep among couples, and part instructional on how to do so—whether sleeping together or apart. The book is solution-focused, well-designed, entertaining, and informative. I recommend it for couples struggling with their shared or family sleep environment or routine.
Kristen Stone, PhD 