Tag: validation

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Acknowledge: Let Your Partner Know You Understand

When your partner tells you she’s upset, is it a moment of sharing and an opportunity for closeness, or a fault-finding blame game? How are you hearing her? Do you assume that you’ve done something wrong? Is she saying anything about you at all? Recognizing that her feelings are hers, her experience is hers, and that she—not you—bears ultimate responsibility for them, will help you acknowledge her feelings, her experience, and her perspective—the beginning of a much more rewarding conversation.

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Empathy and Explanations

We all want to be understood, but explaining yourself might be little more than a missed opportunity to repair disconnection. In our love relationships, the urge to explain may be triggered by the thought, “If only they understood where I was coming from they wouldn't be mad at me (or hurt or sad). All I have to do is explain myself.” Glide over tough spots by replacing this intuitive but misplaced move with empathy and validation.